My Battle with my emotions and thoughts caused by BPD.

I have so many feelings that I feel and so many thoughts that rush through my mind to the point that sometimes it scares me. I wish that I could just feel what normal or what most people consider to be normal people felt. Some would say that feeling all these emotions can be considered a blessing as a lot of people don’t get the to experience them, at times I can say that I agree with it. I have these overwhelming feelings of happiness where I can feel this feeling all over my body that put a smile on my face most often it isn’t there for people to see but I surely feel it. I know that alot of people get these feeling as Lela will say but she agrees that my feelings are alot more intense then most. To have this great feeling of love is such a great beautiful feeling I don’t think I would ever change it for the world. But then I have the emotions that I experience with so much pain and suffering that feels like a 1000 knives are in my heart, a feeling that I that I feel like curling up and dying. The only thing that helps me to overcome this is the thought that eventually these feelings will go away usually within a few hours, but at the time you can’t help but to wonder if they actually will.

The thoughts that constantly run through my head are very random. Often they are wondering what people think of me how do they really feel about me. Do they love me, do they really like the person I am, will they miss me if I’m gone? Funny thing is these thoughts can totally be reversed within a few hours.

All these emotions and thoughts can make it very hard to keep up with me. Not knowing what your going to get your self into when you talk to me. Will you get me in a happy mood, or will you get me snapping at you for no apparent reason.

With my best friend getting married in just a few more days on Sunday September 6. I wanted to share a few of their engagement photos they recently got back.

Congratulations Angela and Adrian

I wanted to wish all my friends and family a very Happy and Romantic Valentines Day, and also say Happy Anniversary to Robin and Erik.

I know that I will totally enjoy my day with my baby. Yesterday she couldn’t hold back anymore and gave me my gift. Which is this beautiful two tone gold and silver double heart pendant. And this morning I ran off to buy her a small bouquet of balloons and had the kids help with making a big surprise breakfast.

The past nine years I’ve been wearing a amethyst heart pendant that my ex husband MOHCINE had gotten me for our first Valentines Day together. Now it has finally been replaced with this beautiful piece.

Thank you baby from the bottom of my heart I LOVE YOU!