Heather’s Blog

After being single since Mohcine and I split up (over 18 months) I finally have someone. Here is one of my favorite photos of her, being her sexy self.

Her name is Lela (or Lee for short) and here she is..That is a shirt not her bra you see under the the white shirt

Can you believe that this was actually published?

From Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May, 1955.

* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

* Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.

* During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

* Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.

* Be happy to see him.

* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

* Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

* Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

* Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.

* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

* Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

* A good wife always knows her place.

Here you can find a scan of the original article

Well he came here about 10 years ago looking to make a better life with more money. Two years later, we met, got married and stayed married for 6 1/2 years. During that time he was always using the excuse that we don’t have enough money to have kids, but at the same time he wasn’t doing anything about it. He got mad at me for quitting my sucky as job at Wal-Mart to work from home. Saying that we would do better if I went to work, but in all reality when I was working we weren’t’ doing any better. I was satisfied with our life, if he wanted to make all this money why was he still working at a store that his friend owned that will take him no where. At least when I worked at Wal-Mart I could of worked my way up the chain of command. And even now with me working for myself I can see myself going somewhere. I can see what only a few of my friends can, but he never could and that is SUCCESS!!!. Now 10 years later he is gone and back in Morocco with his family. The only thing he went back home with that he didnt’ have before was something I gave him and that is a US Citizenship. So enjoy that dual citizenship Mohcine and someday I’m sure I will see you again, as it seems you all come back again.

Most all of us have all had to deal with control freaks at one point in our lives. The people who insist on having their way in all interactions with you. Wanting to decide what it is you will do and when you will do it. You know who they are, they have a intense need to run the show and call the shots. Of course it’s natural to want to be in control of your life. But when you have to be in control of the people around you as well that’s a different story all together. I have been dealing with this lately in which this person has to be in total control in our interactions together doesn’t seem to care what I want at all and I’m about to take control and just end it all together. I feel that I just can’t do anything right and why should I have to bow down?

Some Coping Strategies I have found

• Stay as calm as you can. Control freaks tend to generate a lot of tension in those around them. Try to maintain a comfortable distance so that you can remain centered while you speak with them. Try to focus on your breathing. As they get more agitated and demanding, just breath slowly and deeply. If you stay calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get agitated you have joined the battle on their terms.
• Speak very slowly. Again the normal tendency is to gear up and speak rapidly when dealing with a control freak. This will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.
• Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. In fact, they do not have that much to say. They have a lot to say if you engage them in a power struggle. If you just listen carefully and ask good questions that indicate that you have heard them, then they will quickly resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.
• Pay attention to your induced reactions. What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you? Notice how you feel when speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them more effectively and appropriately.
• Initially, let them control the agenda. But you control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.
• Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of paranoia. They are ready to get angry and defend against what they perceive is a controlling hostile world. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. You will jam them up.
• Make demands on them– especially when dealing with the type 2 control freak. Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.
• Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”
• Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help.
• Understand that they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.

Why does almost all of this also remind me of “The Bitch”????

What do I want?

CAUTION this may be a boring as it’s just random thoughts going through my head.

I would like to say that I would really love to have a loving relationship with someone, or do I? Maybe I just want a “friends with benefits” situation?

Friends with benefits situations are very sticky for me. I tend to let my emotions get involved when I know I’m not supposed to. I think I have to many uncontrollable emotions that go through me to really have a successful FWB relationship. At the same time do I really want a full on relationship? With all the heartache and expectations that can go with it. I am a person that tends to love hard and very strong. Any of my friends can tell you that I’m a very giving and caring person. I have learned that I am actually pretty satisfied with just sharing my love with my friends by either showing and or straight out telling them which I do pretty much on a daily basis. The only thing I tend to miss in my life is the intimacy but even in a FWB situation it still lacks the passion that I long for. Maybe I think I want a relationship but my life as it is right now isn’t ready for it which is the reason for not being able to find the one that I long for. Or maybe I am just too picky or even to scared. Anytime anyone starts talking to me, my first thoughts are that they only want sex, I am starting to realize after being told by friends that I am just self-sabotaging my self by doing that.

After thinking about self-sabotaging I realize I do it way to much. Why is it that I can look at others and see the beauty within side and say that looks do not matter and tell them they look beautiful, but when it comes to myself I find that it’s very hard to look in the mirror and say to myself “you are beautiful.” I so badly want to hear it from others but when I do hear it I find it hard to believe they are telling me the truth and more or less just trying to be nice. Why do I torment myself like this. Why can’t I just look at myself the way I look at others. Why can’t I see the inner beauty in me when I look at myself in the mirror instead of just looking at my outer shell?

After thinking about all this I googled self-sabotage and I found a couple of articles that mention the Top 7 signs of Self Sabotaging behavior along the actions to take to stop it. These are all things that I do to myself unfortunately.

1. Focusing on what is not working, not right or missing from your life.

Problem: Notice how often you speak about and think about what is not working, not right, or missing from your life. This only attracts more of the things you don’t want.

Action: Ask yourself a new question: “What’s going right?” or “What IS working?” Begin to notice all the things, no matter how small, that are working well. Keep an evidence journal and each day write down everything, I do mean everything, that is working and you will attract more of what is working!

2. Being stuck in fear:

Problem: Do you worry a lot about the future and what is going to happen or might happen? Are you thinking about your fears so much that you are paralyzed and take no action because of fear of what might occur?

Action: It is time to put your focus on the present. We can’t control or predict the future or other people’s behaviors. All we can control is our own, right here, right now.

Ask yourself the question “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Then, let go and know that rarely do the scenarios we create in our heads occur. Take a moment to put things into perspective by writing down the things you can not change, the things you want change, and accept that the Universe, God, Spirit, whatever you call it will take of the rest. It always does!

3. Feeling you have no value.

Problem: Do you forget all your accomplishments and lack pride in who you are and what you have accomplished? If you obsess about the past or your lack of success or lack of achievement, then you’ll be stuck in noticing how much you lack as a person. If you often criticize yourself or can’t accept compliments, it’s a definite sign that you have fallen into this trap.

Action: You can choose to notice what you do that is good and the things you can be proud of, no matter how small they may seem. Each day keep a log of what you are grateful for about YOU. When you hear your mind chattering about what you haven’t done right or well, turn down the volume and turn up the volume to hear the voice that knows the TRUTH about who you are and how you add value to the world.

Acknowledge yourself for at least 5 things each and every day that you did well. Each day, compliment yourself on something you did that you feel good about. Notice your small successes and accept the compliments others give you.

4. Comparing yourself to others.

Problem: Do you constantly compare yourself to others and then feel badly when compared to them? Comparison doesn’t motivate us to do more or be better, instead it makes us feel we’ll never be good enough and we aren’t right now.

Action: Write out the 5 qualities you like best about yourself. Then write out what you value most in your life. When you go to a place of comparison, notice how similar you are with the other person vs. what is different. Begin to create a list of adjectives that describe you - at least 25 positive words about your greatness. Whenever you notice yourself in a comparison mode, think of some of the adjectives that describe YOU.

5. Getting what you want and then losing it.

Problem: Do you not believe that you deserve to have what you want? When you get what you want, why do you often lose it or mess it up? What is the true story underneath - maybe that you think aren’t good enough to have it?

Action: List all the things you have accomplished that faded away. Simply notice these things, but don’t place any judgment on the fact they disappeared. How did they bring you satisfaction? How did they make you feel? What is the limiting belief that you have that tells you inside why you can’t have what you want? Be quiet, be still and listen to it.

Write down how you felt when you had what you wanted. Write down how you feel now, without it. Then write a “bridge belief”: A very, very small belief that feels a little bit better than what you now feel. Each week, create a new bridge belief, not matter how small, that you can really believe. By using these bridges as stepping-stones, you’ll shift your limiting beliefs slowly and be on the other side of the bridge and able to maintain it because you will have a new belief inside of you.

6. You chase away relationships.

Problem: Do you always feel something is missing in your relationships or find fault with the other person? Perhaps you are afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is usually a fear of abandonment or exposure that causes you to distance yourself from others.

Action: Create a list of the qualities you value in a relationship and the qualities you want to attract in your partners. Express what you want and don’t want to the other person and allow them to express the same to you. Create time to acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. Notice when you feel afraid. Don’t try to push the feelings away. Know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Then, in that moment, focus on what feels good about the relationship.

7. Having no purpose.

Problem: Do you feel you have no purpose in life? We all have some purpose for being on the planet and it is time to notice yours.

Action: Write down all the things that are important to you – the thing you want to create in your life. Then write out what you want to contribute to the world. From your writing, create a statement of purpose for yourself that you can read each and every day.

Then stop worrying about not knowing your purpose and start creating what you desire now. It doesn’t matter what you want in the future. So start creating something you want in your life NOW. This action will ultimately put you in alignment and bring you closer to your overall purpose.