With my best friend getting married in just a few more days on Sunday September 6. I wanted to share a few of their engagement photos they recently got back.
Congratulations Angela and Adrian
I often get comments or emails from women who are dating Moroccan men or talking to Moroccan men on the internet asking me to share my stories and if I think they are caught up in the “Honey I love you lets get married green card scam”. First off let me start by saying that Moroccans are not the only Nationality that are known for doing this and that not all Moroccans contacting you will want this. It just happens to be that I was married to one so I tend to have people find the few blog post I have regarding him or other Moroccans and ask. Here are two post regarding a Moroccan (not my husband) wanting me to really talk with him. You will find alot of them on myspace.com as well as when your using Yahoo Messenger.
Begging Blog post 1 and Begging Blog post 2
Here is my most recent email…
Hi Heather,
I had a question..I read your blog, am I correct that you recently divorced
someone from Morocco?
If you did, can you share your story with me?
I think I am in the same boat and want to protect myself.
Thanks in advance for your help,
S*****
Now while I said before that not all Moroccan men want a green card, the chances are slim to none that this is the actual case especially when they are still living in Morocco. Most of these guys from my experience from hearing from Moroccan men that I know here in the states as well as my ex husband, tell me that these guys sit in a local cafe drinking their coffee and chatting with several women at once confessing their love for them. Doing anything and everything to get their way in and get that card.
From what I noticed it seems that they also target certain types of people and again I could be wrong. But it seems they go for someone that fits one or all of the below…
1. Big age gap they are usually in their 20’s and contacting women in their 40’s-50’s
2. Someone overweight, I think they are going with the myth that overweight people are depressed and or insecure.
3. Someone with a some sort of disability again going with the idea that they are probably depressed and or insecure.
Yes I was married to a Moroccan. Yes we got married before he had his green card and citizenship. One major difference between myself and the many people who contact me is that I happen to meet him here in my hometown of San Diego. He was a good man to me, never was demanding or mistreated me. As for other Moroccan men, I’ve known several other women who have been involved with Moroccan men and their luck not be so good. Just about with every one of them they would both physically and or mentally abuse them, as well as spend all their money. We married May of 2000 he received his citizenship in January of 2006 by the middle of November 2006 after a argument he left and was unsure if he wanted to continue his relationship with me, claiming he missed his family and wanted to be with his Mom. So as to if he really married me for the right reasons or not, well only him and god know this. But either way overall he was a good man. Now that is not to say that this can’t happen with a American man or any other Nationality because it surely can.
Let me bring up two major issues that can surely cause major problems as far as differences while in a relationship with a Moroccan Man. These two issues are pretty much the same with any relationship involving two different nationalities. They are Religion and Culture.
1. Religion: Islam is the established religion of Morocco with 1 percent of the population being Christian, and less than 0.2 percent Jewish. That being said, chances are your involved with a man who is Muslim. Now I don’t ever believe in bashing others religions. So that is not what this is about. I just want to say that you must make sure that you do your research on Islam before getting involved its very different from what your probably used to. Chances are they will do their best to convert you to Islam.
2. Culture: Hospitality is really a part of their culture, in fact they are pretty well known for this hospitality. Anytime you enter someone’s home stranger or not chances are you will be welcomed with mint tea and some sort of sweets. However the cultural differences between Morocco and America are very different and this is a problem in a relationship.
In Morocco, the Men tend to go out with their friends and hang out at the cafe drinking coffee and talking. While the women will usually be at home with their friends cooking and or cleaning. So when he gets here to the states and after he finds fellow Arab speaking friends, chances are this will continue for him and usually it will be a daily thing.
There are so many cultural differences I could go on and on about it, but I would rather not.
I can also tell you, that most Moroccans at one point while living here will think or even say they want to move back to Morocco alot of times they will even ask you to move back with them. If this happens please and I say again please make a few visits there (and more then just a few days here and there) before even considering it. Also you might also want to join up an online group, there are many American Women Moroccan Men groups to join. Where you can find others experience and ask for advice on your specific situation.
Just use your instinct when getting involved. If you see any red flags, you might want to reconsider. But like I mentioned before, not all Moroccan men are the same. You have your good and your bad just like any Nationality.
Let’s not get this post confused with the ever so popular and disgusting internet video titled 2 Girls 1 Cup If you want a actual link to this video ask me and I’ll provide it. But I must say it’s rather disgusting, even for me…
But ANYHOW!!!!
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Over my years of life and the girlfriends I have had over time. I have never really lived with another woman (other then my mom) for more then 2-3 months. Well now Lela is moving in with me and let me tell you words can’t tell you how happy I am. However happy I maybe for myself, I am sad for her and her friends being how they wont be so close to each other anymore. But we will make it a point that we/she go see them. We will be staying at my place for the next month or two then move to a new place that is bigger that can accompany the two of us and our combined 3 loving children. Ohh look Brandon will have a Brother and a Sister lol.
Anyhow I was thinking about this last night, how usually the woman of the household is automatically in charge of decorating the place. I love this fact as I love to attempt to decorate. Believe it or not, I at one time as a child wanted to be a interior decorator. But now I’m thinking oh oh there will be two of us living in this house. Chances are we are both going to want to decorate therefore we will probably argue on how we want to decorate the house. We have so many things in common but I’m not sure that decor is one of them. 
Now don’t get me wrong I love red but Lela’s love for red, well lets just say she takes it to a whole new level. To quote something she wrote in her blog “I looooooooooove red, all things red. Red is so sexy to me. It’s really hard to explain the feeling that red gives me. I know most people think that red is a sexual color and yes it is, but for me it’s a color that just makes me happy.” Everything in her house I think is red or at least in the kitchen. Red this and red that which includes a microwave and toaster which I actually love. But that is because they are a nice deep shade of red and not a bright shade that blinds ya.
So I think in order for this to work for us, were both going to have to give and take a little. I for one am definitely willing to give a little to make her happy.
How soon is too soon to tell someone you love them?
When should you tell the other person those magic words? I think saying “I love you” is a very personal experience, and every person has their own different time frame for saying it. Some people say it right away with a new person, some prefer to wait a while to be certain that they truly love the person they are saying it to. And even some will make sure to hold off and wait for their other half to say it first. Or better yet, some say it to get what they want in life, such as sex or money.
Personally when if I feel it I’m going to tell them, If I don’t it eats me up inside. I’m the type of person that when I love someone I’m going to tell them. And I will make sure to always tell them. My thoughts are, you never know when will be the last time you see them. If something happens to the person I love I want to know that they knew that I loved them.
I bet you can all pretty much figure out where I’m going with this, Yes you are right. I’m in love with Lela, and I make sure I tell her everyday. While writing this post, I started thinking how important it is to me that she feels my love for her. So I went to her asked her “do you feel my love for you?” she tells me “yes” i then asked “how do you feel it?” she replied with “with everything you do”. That made me feel so wonderful inside to know that she feels my love. As to me it’s not really just saying the words ‘I love you’ that are important but having the person feel it in everything you do for them. As That was a big problem I had with MOHCINE. He was always asking all kinds of questions on why I did this or that, why I said things a certain way (using a sultry voice). He was way to blind.
Thank you Lela for seeing everything I want you to see and feeling everything I want you to feel. I love you.
Most all of us have all had to deal with control freaks at one point in our lives. The people who insist on having their way in all interactions with you. Wanting to decide what it is you will do and when you will do it. You know who they are, they have a intense need to run the show and call the shots. Of course it’s natural to want to be in control of your life. But when you have to be in control of the people around you as well that’s a different story all together. I have been dealing with this lately in which this person has to be in total control in our interactions together doesn’t seem to care what I want at all and I’m about to take control and just end it all together. I feel that I just can’t do anything right and why should I have to bow down?
Some Coping Strategies I have found
Stay as calm as you can. Control freaks tend to generate a lot of tension in those around them. Try to maintain a comfortable distance so that you can remain centered while you speak with them. Try to focus on your breathing. As they get more agitated and demanding, just breath slowly and deeply. If you stay calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get agitated you have joined the battle on their terms.
Speak very slowly. Again the normal tendency is to gear up and speak rapidly when dealing with a control freak. This will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.
Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. In fact, they do not have that much to say. They have a lot to say if you engage them in a power struggle. If you just listen carefully and ask good questions that indicate that you have heard them, then they will quickly resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.
Pay attention to your induced reactions. What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you? Notice how you feel when speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them more effectively and appropriately.
Initially, let them control the agenda. But you control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.
Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of paranoia. They are ready to get angry and defend against what they perceive is a controlling hostile world. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. You will jam them up.
Make demands on them– especially when dealing with the type 2 control freak. Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns.
Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”
Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get help. at they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, rehearsed debaters and excellent at distorting reality.
Why does almost all of this also remind me of “The Bitch”????