Low Self-Esteem
Please note that the following is just my thoughts on the subject and how I feel about myself. I am no doctor and will not be held responsible for any actions taken by my blog readers. Now that we have that taken care of lets get back to my post.
Some of you may not know this, but I have incredibly low self-esteem. Matter of fact, I believe it took close to a year before I even considered placing a picture of myself on my own blog and some of you that have been around that long even noticed that. Although now, most of the time I think that I portray myself on here (my blog) to have a healthy self-esteem, or at least I try to. Did I fool ya??
Having low self-esteem causes so many problems for you, friends and loved ones or anyone else involved in your life. And unfortunately I know obviously from experience that it causes lots of heartache in relationships. Which is the direction where I am going to take this post, low self-esteem and relationships? Although I’m only going to mention a few points that I can think of, otherwise we might be here all night.
Those of us with low self-esteem have problems with relationships because we tend to have a variety of irrational thoughts, emotions and actions which leads us to lose ourselves in relationships with others. Our thoughts become controlled by how others think, feel about and act towards us, and we are dependent on others’ approval and are fearful of rejection by others.
The Perfect Relationship
I have the need to have the “perfect” relationship, I often find my self in control trying to make the relationship the way it should be. This has always been a problem for me, thus causing the relationship to breakdown. I also feel I’m always giving in to make them happy then find my self resenting them because they are unable to provide me with what I’m looking for.
Being Needy
Another problem I tend to have, is I am a very needy and clingy person. First off I will start out by saying that unfortunately I tend to look to others for my own happiness. I suppose it is a good thing to know that I can acknowledge this. That admitting is always a good place to start. I think this would tie in with the “perfect” relationship as mentioned above. I also need reassurance of the relationship from the other person. I want to be around them all the time.
Denial
I want to be told that I’m pretty or beautiful (ties in with the being needy) but then when I’m told I have a hard time believing it. Someone say’s, “oh Heather you look nice today” I have such a hard time saying…”Ohh thank you, you look great too”. It’s more like, “Oh I don’t think I do, I’m just wearing these old clothes”. This from what I have heard will generally have people all together stop complementing you. I also think that I am a very loving and caring person but with that I never feel that I’m good enough for anyone, or anything.
Closing it up…with my final thought…
This post is not all my thoughts on how I feel about my low self-esteem, it’s just a small fraction of it. Because like I said if I were to write everything, well I don’t think I would ever be done with it, as things are always popping into my mind.
It’s not that I don’t want to have a healthy self-esteem, because I do. I see some people and how they are so happy being the way they are and I think to myself how come I can’t be like that? How can I become like that?
But believe it or not I do have times where I actually do feel a healthy self-esteem for myself, This I can only assume must be Bi-polar effects…The ups of it
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That’s the great thing about being online, we can appear to be very different than we are in real life. I too have low self-esteen.
Cheers for laying it out on the line…
I have trouble believing anyone has truly high self esteem. Take me for example, to the world I’ve been told I appear very content with myself and my ways… but to a select chosen few, who know my deepest inner thoughts, I am a lost child longing to be someone or something better….
There aren’t enough people (like you) admitting what they truly feel, thus making the world appear more stable and “normal” than it really is… So Cheers for being brave! I think the first step to high self esteem is admitting you don’t feel “perfect”…
Anyone who claims they feel “perfect” with themselves is way lower on the self esteem ladder than you or I.
I don’t know if I made any sense… Sometimes it’s hard for me to properly convey what I am thinking… So I’ll just end this with… Your post rocks for being so personal….
i saw a cool inscription the other day somewhere unexpected. it said “treasure yourself” . tell ourselves how wonderful we are til we start believing it! and be nice to ourselves… we are our own worst critic!
Heather, you look good today.
Robin: I agree with the online thing that is also one of the reasons why I believe alot of online relationships don’t work out too lol
dOobius: it made perfect sense, at least to me
I really appreciate your thoughts on it and I agree, just like it seems that people who feel the need to laugh at or make fun of others is because they feel something is wrong with them
Jeni: of course you always come here with some great quote for me thanks hun
Dirties: I knew you would say something like that, it’s probably cause i’m not wearing much of anything (oops did i say that ?)
It’s tough, I often wonder how many friendships would last IRL vs online.
lol @ Robin, I would probably drive you nuts IRL but i’m sure I already do that online too
I think we might equally drive each other nuts. When I’m not on your server I may drive you a little less nuts
Well, as a perfect person, I think I am wonderful! Don’t you? Well, DON’T YOU?
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. Please, forgive me…I know I’m pathetic…(sob). Why doesn’t anyone love meeeeeeee! (huddled sobbing mass on floor). no…don’t go….I need you…
Hey girl, we’re all right there with you!
Heather,
I agree with Jeni, “treasure yourself”. I am a total beliver in that. You truely have to love your self. I challange you to write down one thing that you love about yourself everyday for a year. You have to read it everyday and thing write down one more thing you love about your self. You have to take care of you. Don’t be afraid to do something nice for your self, YOU DESERVE IT!!! No one is going to take care of you until you put first and know all your worth. Put your self on a pedistal because you deserve to be there. Your truely like a sister to me, I have you up on a pedistal because you have shown me a lot of strength and unconditional love and friendship. You have come so far, you are doing great!!!
Your soul sister,
~Angela~
Angela, Do you know how much I love you? Thank you so much for your ever lasting kind and loving words of wisdom.
Every time I see my family, some kind of insulting thing happens to me and I spend a few days trying desperately to recover from it. Sometimes I get sick. I have insomnnia lately due to stress created by my family members. I am beautiful, smart, confident and like myself. This creates total craziness in my sisters. They are always trying to knock me down a peg or two and it works. It is a constant battle after being around them to stay happy and confident. Thankfully I surround myself with supportive friends to help me bounce back. So I guess the moral of the story is find out who helped to create your neurosis and stay the HELL AWAY FROM THEM IF YOU CAN. I have trouble with this last line because I feel the need to belong to my family so I deal with it the best I can. I also agree that everybody deals with self esteem issues in one way or another. Good luck and stay sensitive, it becomes you.
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