Heather’s Blog

There are lots of “open marriages” in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity, with these relationships there are usually boundaries set. There are also ‘one sided’ open marriages (I call them) where one person such as the husband will alow his wife to have a boyfriend on the side (I actually know someone who is in a relationship like this). However I find that usually in these ‘one sided’ open marriages that the polyamorous spouse is bisexual which usually is the main reason for wanting the open marriage to begin with (although I could be wrong). I too understand that need of wanting to be with a woman when I was married however hard it maybe for others to undersand or for for me to explain to them.

So where am I going with this?

Some of my readers know of a relationship I was starting to get involved in with a married woman. It also shocked some of them because they know my past history of getting a divorce with my first husband because of my involvement with a woman while married. However this was not what destroyed my marriage, although i’m sure it didn’t help. What destroyed my marriage is when we began to have have threesomes and I started to encourage my husband and my girlfriend at the time to become closer, and at the time I felt very secure in my relationship with both of them, thinking nothing bad would ever come out of it.

Anyhow back to why i’m writing this. This is the reason I need to stick with not getting envolved with someone who is married even if the husband is ok with it.

I am too much of a selfish person to want to share my time. I need to be with someone that thinks of me during the day and wants to call me, just to say “I love you”. I want to have someone where I can go to family dinners with, without being introduced as just a friend because otherwise it would stir up problems. I deserve better I don’t need to be 2nd best or at the bottom of the list of priorities. I hate the thought of them being at home with their hubbies while I’m at home watching tv alone, it’s almost degrading. And as much as I like her, I just can’t do it anymore. It will cause me more heartache then happiness. In the short period of time, I’ve gotten too attached to her way to quickly which is one of my biggest downfalls (falling in love to easy). It may be one thing to have a friends with benefits situation where there is no commitment, but this…. I just can’t do.

Besides in relationships like this if they ever have marrital issues chances are the blame eventually falls on you, and they both end up hating/disliking you.

So while my body may look like a spare tire, I surely don’t want my heart to feel like one…