Heather’s Blog

For about the past week I have been on the biggest salad binge ever. Every day sometimes a few times a day you will find me with a bowl of salad in hand…today for breakfast I didn’t want bacon and eggs I opened my fridge and wanted to throw a salad together. Not sure really why, but I’m loving my salads lol…maybe it’s time to tell my self to get back on my diet. Angela told me “well at least it’s salad your eating all the time” which is a good point, I could be eating ice cream all day haha… I know we have all had our days when we have wanted to do that. My salads are not boring either (at least I don’t think so) and I can think of alot more things that I have failed to add lately.

My salads this week include:
Red leaf, green leaf and romaine lettuce, spinach, chicken breast pieces, tomatos, carrots, mushrooms, red onions, cucumbers, broccoli, cheddar cheese, croutons and depending on my mood several different types of dressings…

I have failed to get the following for my salads will make sure to get them next trip to the store:
purple cabbage, olives, corn, peas, and beets

ohh and i know i can think of so much more but my brain is exhausted

This is from the newspaper article from my biological father’s death back in 1987.

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By Candy J. Copper - of the Examiner Staff
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The distorted harmonica strains of the “Big Sur Bookie” bounced off the painted walls of the Tenderloin’s St Boniface Church, where to long-lost young sisters clutching a bouquet of pink flowers listened curiously in a front pew.

A Catholic priest told them about a man they had never really known –their own father, Charles Blackwell, who lived a life of sorrow, but had somehow found in it moments of joy.

“If you just take the facts of his life, you might say it was a tragic life,” said the Rev. Robery Pfisterer, who presided on crutches over an unusual service attended by about 100 homeless people, muscians and welfare workers.

“He died at 35, he did in a Tenderloin hotel, penniless…after the tragic death of his wife,” Pfisterer said.

He had fought alcohol and at one time heroin, friend said. His beloved wife died one night when Blackwell accidentally shot her in the head at point-blank range. Both the young girls who sat in the front pew had seen that violent death. Heather was 5, Jennifer was just 4 weeks old.

“I think he was just so distraught, he coulnd’t handle his daughters,” said Marcia Ryan, who adopted Blackwell’s two daughters and lives with them in San Diego.

Blackwell disappeared, had himself committed to a mental institution and lived on the streets, where he practiced his harmonica.

But life, as Pfisterer explainted, is composted of contradictions. Within the confines of his impoverished life of tragedy, Blackwell had learned to find some joy.

“He spoke music,” said a good friend and musician, Craig M. “He could weave notes in and around the most complex jazz progressions. He had alot of pain in his life, it would come out and mix with joy. He’d go up high and bend a note, three, four, five notes, then it’d just fall and become a rhythm.

“That’s when he lived, that’s when his eyes lit up, that’s when he really laughted. The rest of it was secondary.”

The self taught musician fished for shark off Pier 39 and cooked it in an electric frying pan in his room at the Riviera Hotel. He built bicycles from scratch. He spoke fondly of his two children, with who he had lost all contact. He loved to stay up nights and play Yahtzee.

It was Blackwell’s love of music that had begun to put his life on a new course. He auditioned for a role in a local musical, “The Forgotten People,” a drama about street people, and got the part, On June, 27, he performed to accolades.

“He was was jubilant,” said Barbara Neal, the play’s producer, who said Blackwell received some job offers. “His whole life had turned around.”

After the play, he went to a casting party, then returned to his Riviera Hotel room.

“His face was real read as usual,” said Dorae Hill, a neighbor. “He’s put his whole heart and soul into it. He was so hyper from playing. I told him to get some rest.”

Blackwell went to his room and two days later was found dead on the floor. The cause of his death has still not been determined, according to the San Francisco medical examiner.

“It’s kinda sad,” said 13-year-old Heather Ryan, who was given her father’s harmonica and a tape of his performance. “All I really remember is he liked archery. He bought me a bow and arrow and I used to shoot it.”

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It was later discovered he died of a morphine overdose.

To read about my biological Mother’s death click here

To read more post in my “looking back” category click here

It’s always interesting to hear what people want for Christmas, some people want this and that, anything and everything, some want very little, some want nothing.

I just recently was in a conversation with someone online. And I mentioned that my boy only wanted two things for christmas, being how he knows that that i’m short on cash. One of these things was a bike the other is an older xbox game. He then asked me “what does mommy want?” I replied with “For god to be good to me and make sure we make it through this…” I just need a little extra strength, I need to be a little more head strong. But deep down inside i’m scared, As I don’t want to be a failure. Even though I know that my boy will never look at me in that way.

Being married to a Muslim man you can pretty much guess that no pork has ever been in our fridge, as they are not allowed to eat it. This pretty much rules out pepperoni and sausage pizzas (unless your able to find beef pepperoni and sausage, which I would guess about 90% places do not use). Makes it a little more difficult while grocery shopping as well, because you always have to search ingredients for pork. Now while there is turkey and beef bacon and sausage….They are not always the easiest to find nor the cheaper choice although i’m sure much healthier for you. Right now my fridge is cramed with food and this would include all kinds of pork sausage, bacon, and even pork chops (thanks Angela). I can even hold wine and beer in my fridge without thinking about what Mohcine will think or say.

In other news today I took another step and removed the wedding band off my finger. After almost 7 years of wearing it, I really feel naked without it. I’ve only removed it a few times and that was due to my hands being swollen due to that time of month. But I must take it off to make another step in moving on with my life.

I also must apologize for not wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving yesterday, I hope everyone had a great beautiful dinner with their family and friends. I had a nice dinner with mine. Came home stuffed to the max with HAM, No turkey this year for me lol. Today I stayed away from the stores and malls, except to go do my grocery shopping which was much needed. Today I’m feeling great, I just hope the night continues this way.

I don’t want all my post these days to be depressing so i’m posting one of my favorite scenes from Seinfeld.